Single At Christmas Time Again and I'm Sick of It

when waiting as a Christian gets old.

I’m just going to be real in this. Most of my notes always have a way of giving sound wisdom and encouragement through the Word of God, but today, I just want this to relate with someone. For others to know they are not alone in feeling this way.

We are now in the Holiday Season with Christmas fast approaching. Thankfully I don’t have the type of family that is constantly asking when I will bring home a guy, because they know it’s God’s timing and they aren’t pushy. But I’ll be honest, I’m the one getting a little impatient at times, and if there’s at any point during the year I really feel this, it’s at Christmas time. Yes, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus and that IS the main focus. But my hearts deepest desire is to celebrate this entire season with the love of my life. To have someone to buy heartfelt gifts for and to see their joy and excitement as they open them. To attend Christmas Eve church service with instead of getting dressed up, walking myself to the door and sitting along….again. To have a man help me with cutting down a Christmas tree, getting it up and decorated, instead of doing it all myself. To walk hand-in-hand with my person while the snowflakes fall, to sip cider while watching our favorite Christmas movies, to cook in the kitchen together while listening to Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Tony Bennett, Louis Armstrong, and Nat King Cole.

I know marriage isn’t perfect, another human doesn’t complete me, and my true contentment is in Jesus. I understand this and for the majority of the other 310 days out of the year, I am focused on Jesus. But for the two months or so leading up to Christmas, I can just feel this underlying irritation that builds up. And this year especially, it’s like that goofy fitting shoe that you think you can wear but then half an hour into the night you can feel it rubbing a part of your foot raw and you realize your in for suffering through a sore foot with a smile the entire night Well, that’s the nagging feeling…that I am single at Christmas again, and I’m sick of it! But, put on a smile, because well, that’s what I do.

A bit of a back story, I’ve been completely, 100% single since 2020, whereby I called off an engagement. Now I can say with certainty (and from experience), that Christmas with the wrong person can absolutely be painful, and potentially lonelier than being alone. That being said, in many ways, I am thankful to not be in a relationship with someone who almost seemed to go out of their way to ruin my joy and excitement for the season. Prior to that engagement, I had been single for another 4 years. So let’s just paint the picture now, that for the majority of my life, I have been single. I am not the serial dating type! With that combination, as an adult (college boyfriends don’t apply here because let’s be honest, they weren’t all that serious), I have not experienced what it is like to have a significant person in my life at Christmas. A man whom I love and who shares in the joy, excitement and heavenly magic of the season.

I think the frustration grows deeper each year as I know deep in my heart that God has created me to be a Woman-of-God, but also a Wife to a Man-of-God. That since I broke off the engagement, it’s my Man-of-God that I have been praying for, waiting for, sowing for, letting God heal me for, and prepare me for. That there has never been a point in my life where I have completely devoted myself to God as I have in the past 4 years, but for this prayer to go unanswered year after year.

I guess in saying all of this, I do believe he is out there somewhere, and I pray that he doesn’t lose hope in finding me. That my frustration in waiting and being single this Christmas season isn’t seen a sign of weakness, but an expression of how much love I have to give and an indication that I no longer wish to spend another moment not knowing him.

To those of you who resonate with this, you are not alone sister! Don’t feel like you are the only beautiful, talented, smart, worthy, mature, high-quality Woman-of-God left who isn’t married. We are in this together! We wait and pray together and one day we will rejoice together as well!

Love your sister,

Rachel

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